Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
