she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
