so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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