oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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