I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
