We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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