alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
