it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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