Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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