I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
