Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
