She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
