I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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