My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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