I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
