I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
