ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
