her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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