Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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