i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
