I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
