he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
