she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she told me i tasted like america
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
