Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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