I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
