Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
