Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
