im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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