i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
