k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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