Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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