just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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