Cold hands, warm shart.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
