please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
