that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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