just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
