Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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