Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
