??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
