Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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