We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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