I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
