: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
