I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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