Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
God, I missed his penis.
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