Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
