so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Success! We fucked roommates!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
