Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Randomize
