I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
