oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
