my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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