god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
